Dr. Michael DeBakey, the renowned heart surgeon, received the Congressional Medal of Honor recently. He\u2019s going to be a hundred years old this year, so apparently somebody figured they better get to it.<\/p>\n
DeBakey isn\u2019t the oldest person to receive the medal, though. Teddy Roosevelt, for example, received the honor in 2001 \u2013 when he was 142 years old. No one seemed too surprised that he didn\u2019t show up. He hadn\u2019t answered a single e-mail.<\/p>\n
You might think that a career as robust and accomplished as Dr. DeBakey\u2019s would be chronicled in a massive memoir \u2013 either a hefty biography (a life story written by someone else) or an autobiography (one written in a car). Surely a towering figure like him, who has just received the country\u2019s highest civilian honor, would have found time to write about himself during his near century of life. But, in fact, you won\u2019t find any such book about DeBakey \u2013 only a so-called online digital document that somebody else wrote. Digital documents are like books, but don\u2019t carry the high risk of paper cuts.<\/p>\n
The digital DeBakey life story is just 902 words long \u2013 about nine words for each year of his life. And that\u2019s all. DeBakey did once write a book called \u201cThe Living Heart,\u201d but it wasn\u2019t about him. It was about how the heart works. Go figure.<\/p>\n
I thought about this the other day when I saw a newspaper story about a public figure who is about to write a memoir: Miley Cyrus. You may not have heard of her (Miley being a girl\u2019s name) if you were born earlier than, say, the 1990s. She stars in the Disney Channel series \u201cHannah Montana,\u201d which until recently I thought was a town just outside of Billings.<\/p>\n
Ms. Cyrus signed a book deal a few days ago to tell the story of her life, and it won\u2019t be a measly digital version like Dr. DeBakey\u2019s document. It\u2019ll be an honest-to-gosh, hardbound book, just like the kind Hemingway used to write so Ernestly. I don\u2019t how many actual words will be in Miley Cyrus\u2019 memoir, but I\u2019ll bet it will be more than 902 \u2013 and maybe twice as many syllables. By the way, did I mention that Miley Cyrus is 15 years old?<\/p>\n
Now some people \u2013 certainly not me \u2013 may think it\u2019s a little silly for someone just 15 years old to write a memoir. On the other hand, maybe it\u2019s smart to do it while the memories are easier to recall and not so much has happened yet. \u201c(Long, long ago, when I was around 8 years old …\u201d)<\/p>\n
Miley\u2019s dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, who once had a big country hit called \u201cAchy, Breaky Heart,\u201d which I guess ties this essay back to Dr. DeBakey in an accidental way. By the way, Billy Ray Cyrus\u2019s followup song, \u201cTeensy, Weensy Spleen,\u201d wasn\u2019t nearly so successful.<\/p>\n
In all honesty, I guess I\u2019m mostly envious of Miley Cyrus. Face it, even at just 15 years old, she\u2019s had a life interesting and worthy enough to convince the people at Hyperion Books to publish her memoir. Truth be told, I tried writing a memoir of my own when I was 15, and I couldn\u2019t get even a nibble from a publisher. Here\u2019s an excerpt:<\/p>\n
\u201cWoke up this morning with a zit the size of a Volkswagen on the end of my nose. A red Volkswagen. With three flat tires.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy sea monkeys finally arrived yesterday. They don\u2019t look anything like real monkeys. I think the same company that I bought those lousy x-ray specs from has snookered me again. I\u2019m really having second thoughts about ordering those alligator eggs.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I can make it through today, I\u2019ll have achieved a personal best: Six days wearing the same underpants. Eight days is my goal. Don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll make it before mom begins to notice, but even she says I should try to follow my dreams.<\/p>\n
\u201cGonna drop by Dave\u2019s house after school. He found a Playboy in a Dumpster, so we thought we\u2019d look at that for a while. If there\u2019s time afterward, we might study for tomorrow\u2019s math exam.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am going to wrap this up for tonight. Dad is yelling at me from upstairs to turn off my light and go to sleep. So that\u2019s it for now.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave turned light back on. I was just startled out of my sleep by a scratching noise coming from my closet. I\u2019m 95 percent sure there is a killer hiding in there. No, wait! The scratching noise is actually coming from the next room, where my little brother sleeps. Whew! Now I can go back to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n
My granddaughter turns 1 year old next month. She\u2019ll start speaking her first words any day now, and as soon as does, she and I will sit down to start work on her memoir. It\u2019d be nice to get it in the stores by Christmas.<\/p>\n
Pat Cashman is a writer, actor and public speaker. He can be reached at pat@patcashman.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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