You might have seen the news story last week: A couple of guys from Georgia told people that they had a found the body of a dead Bigfoot \u2013 and they were going to show it at a press conference, proving once and for all that such a creature really existed.<\/p>\n
Except, it was a hoax. They finally admitted that the large, hairy carcass they had in hand was just an Internet-purchased costume that they\u2019d stuffed with road kill so it\u2019d be convincingly stinky-like. And so, true believers had been thwarted once again.<\/p>\n
For decades, lots of people in our neck of the woods claim to have spotted the large, hairy beast called Bigfoot, or Sasquatch. For that to be the case, there couldn\u2019t be just one, but hundreds of Bigfoots (or is it Bigfeets?) lumbering around the woods throughout the Northwest. (By the way, I apologize to all readers for the redundancy of the term \u201clumbering around the woods.\u201d I should know better.)<\/p>\n
Yet, in all these decades, not one such Foot \u2013 Big or otherwise – has actually been captured dead or alive or anything in between. A guy in Forks, Wash., a few years ago claimed to have \u201cheard\u201d a Bigfoot stomping around in his backyard. When he went outside, he said the smell was \u201cvery, very bad.\u201d Later, he said he found two sets of footprints, which he measured at 14 inches and 17 and a half inches. Was it perhaps a Bigfoot guy on a date with a Bigfoot gal? And if it was a date, why not at least slap on some cologne?<\/p>\n
Years ago, a solitary Unabomber named Ted Kaczysnki (which is a last name that sounds like a sneeze) was hiding out in a tar-paper shack in the mountains, miles from civilization. Still, he was surrounded and arrested in no time. Meanwhile, multitudes of hairy hominids, with feet the size of canoes, have been rambling around the forest lands from Washington to Florida for decades, but nobody has quite caught up to even one of them. It seems a bit much to believe. On the other hand, who has really seen Dick Cheney for the past several years?<\/p>\n
Perhaps the Bigfoot phenomenon really got going with the famous Patterson-Gimlin film footage from 1967. Some people think the fuzzy film simply showed a guy moving through the woods wearing a big, fakey, hairy suit. But other people say that, in fact, the real Bigfoot does look like a guy in a big, fakey, hairy suit.<\/p>\n
I have to admit to doubts about this whole Bigfoot thing myself. That is, until three days ago when I got a phone call. \u201cThis is an actual, what you call, Bigfoot,\u201d said the voice on the other end. \u201cI\u2019m ready for an interview. But I don\u2019t want a legitimate reporter. That\u2019s why I called you. Meet me at the Chevron station just outside of Forks tomorrow at 10 a.m. And come alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
The next morning, I made the long drive past the towns of Spoons and Butter Knives, stopping in Spatula briefly for some pancakes. I arrived in Forks just before 10, as instructed. Seated on an old bench next to a wooded area behind the station was a skinny, very short fellow in a polo shirt, faded jeans and a Seattle Pilots ball cap. He waved me over. The interview began:<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cWait a minute! You\u2019re Bigfoot?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cYou were expecting maybe Yogi Bear?\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cYou just look different than I expected, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cI shaved. I always do when I come to town.\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cAnd you can\u2019t be more than 5 foot 9.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cI\u2019m still taller than that mascot the Sonics have.\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cHad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cWhat, he moved out of town?\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cNo. But his employer did.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cLook, I just want to clear the air about a few things.\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cFrom the smell of things, that\u2019s not gonna happen.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cThat hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cSorry. I don\u2019t suppose you get much of a chance to shower in the woods.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cI\u2019ll tell you what bugs me more than that. It\u2019s the name Bigfoot. It\u2019s mean-spirited and judgmental.\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cWell, that\u2019s probably because the only real visual evidence anybody has of you are your very huge footprints.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bigfoot: \u201cSo? How would you like it if I came up with a name for you based on the imprint you leave on a seat cushion?\u201d<\/p>\n
Me: \u201cFair enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Suddenly, he pointed behind me and yelled, \u201cHey, what\u2019s that?\u201d I wheeled around to look, but it was a ruse. By the time I turned back around, the little guy with the oversized dogs was disappearing quickly back into the woods, shedding the clothes and ball cap along the way.<\/p>\n
But as I turned to go back to my car, I noticed something else he had left behind: His footprints. One of them measured 14 inches. The<\/p>\n
other, 17 and a half.<\/p>\n
Pat Cashman is a writer, actor and public speaker. He can be reached at pat@patcashman.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You might have seen the news story last week: A couple of guys from Georgia told people that they had a found the body of a dead Bigfoot \u2013 and they were going to show it at a press conference, proving once and for all that such a creature really existed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6907"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6907"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6907\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6907"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6907"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6907"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=6907"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}