Here\u2019s a headline for you: \u201cA NEW STUDY HAS COME OUT!\u201d<\/p>\n
Now that you\u2019ve been thoroughly startled, let me give you the stunning details.<\/p>\n
Experts in Britain say they have identified six common sleep positions and what they mean. The study was a yawner to conduct, but the results are interesting. However, I think they\u2019re also a bit incomplete. For example, it doesn\u2019t include my uncle\u2019s favorite sleep position: La-Z-Boy.<\/p>\n
Nor does the study mention anything about people who walk in their sleep. My little brother Sean used to crawl out of his crib and start ambling around the house, completely asleep. One time my dad actually found him \u2013 illuminated by a street lamp \u2013 walking down the road. Good thing Sean couldn\u2019t find the car keys that night. After that, my parents decided they would have to ensure that Sean stayed in his crib at night, and fashioned a hard cover that went over the top of his bed. It worked fine, but poor Sean felt, and looked, like he was a caged monkey. It didn\u2019t help that I put a tire swing in there, too.<\/p>\n
All these years later, Sean no longer walks in his sleep. However, he sometimes does fall asleep while walking. He also claims that he once downed six martinis and then passed out so completely that he slept right through an earthquake. He was shaken, not stirred.<\/p>\n
Getting back to that British study: The most popular sleep position identified by those experts is \u201ccrouched in the fetal position.\u201d This is the position that many stock market investors are currently sleeping in. Actually, experts say that fetal sleepers tend to be shy and sensitive \u2013 in other words, like none of the people you see on \u201cJerry Springer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another theory is that the fetal position provides comfort to certain people, perhaps bringing them back to the protection and security of the womb. Those people can often be found sleeping inside washing machines at night.<\/p>\n
The study also says that 51 percent of us prefer the \u201ccrouched in the fetal position\u201d position. Prefer? How do we know what we prefer? We\u2019re asleep. Besides, mysterious things happen when we\u2019re asleep. For example, I might prefer to sleep in a standing position, but as soon as I doze off, my body does whatever it prefers.<\/p>\n
For that matter, I\u2019d prefer to wake up in the morning with my hair looking roughly the same as it did when I went to bed. I\u2019d also like minty fresh breath. Instead, my hair always looks like I spent the night in a wind tunnel. As for the breath, even my brother Sean was never seen walking to the bathroom and gargling mouthwash in his sleep.<\/p>\n
After the fetal position, the next most common sleep position is \u201cthe soldier\u201d \u2013 flat on the back with arms at the sides. The experts say that those kinds of sleepers tend to be \u201cquiet and reserved.\u201d That makes sense. They\u2019re asleep.<\/p>\n
Next most popular sleeping style: \u201cThe log\u201d position. You know, like in \u201cI slept like a log.\u201d Log sleepers lie on their side with legs outstretched and arms down, and probably with a bit of drool rolling out of their mouths, too. This is said to indicate a \u201csocial, easy-going personality.\u201d The only problem with being a log-type sleeper is that over the years, dry-rot starts to set in, along with wood beetles and ants. On the other hand, it\u2019s great for mushroom foragers.<\/p>\n
The so-called \u201cyearner\u201d type position is when the sleeper lies with their arms outstretched. The sleep experts say it indicates a person who is \u201csuspicious.\u201d A neighbor of mine sleeps in that position, but I wouldn\u2019t call him suspicious. A person of interest, perhaps, but not suspicious. By the way, a person who has their arms outstretched while awake is called a \u201cpolitician.\u201d<\/p>\n
The fifth style of sleeping is called the \u201cfreefall.\u201d That\u2019s lying flat on the stomach with hands at the side of the head. This is supposed to be the favored position of someone who is \u201cbrash and gregarious.\u201d Sure, but it may also be the favored position of someone who is just plain weird.<\/p>\n
And finally, the least common sleep position: \u201cThe starfish.\u201d That\u2019s someone lying on their back with outstretched arms and legs. The researchers say this position indicates a person who is rather \u201cunassuming.\u201d<\/p>\n
It may also indicate a person who is rather \u201cdeceased\u201d, so be careful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here\u2019s a headline for you: \u201cA NEW STUDY HAS COME OUT!\u201d Now that you\u2019ve been thoroughly startled, let me give you the stunning details. Experts in Britain say they have identified six common sleep positions and what they mean. The study was a yawner to conduct, but the results are interesting. However, I think they\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-5471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5471"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5471"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kentreporter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=5471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}