I have forgotten how to have fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
It\u2019s rather pathetic, but I realized the other day I struggle to have fun in my every day life.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I was contemplating my inability to have fun and thinking of all the times I\u2019ve had fun: partying in my 20\u2019s, dating, getting married, delighting in my little kids, watching them discover the world.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
It was somewhere in the \u201cdelighting in my little kids\u201d when I think I stopped having fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I spent so much time delighting in them and making sure they were having fun, that my \u201cfun\u201d became dependent on their having fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Now that they are teens, I realized not only am I not having fun anymore, but I forgot how to have fun.\u00a0 My kids don\u2019t need me like they used to, they don\u2019t think I\u2019m cool anymore (if they ever did), and they often reject my suggestions to go have fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
When I make them go on a family outing to have some fun with their parental units, they usually don\u2019t want to go.\u00a0 When I make them go, one or the other of them pouts their way through the outing, making sure no one is having fun.\u00a0 This is, of course, no fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
So then I contemplate back on how I used to have fun.\u00a0 I must\u2019ve had fun at some time or other, but can I get back that fun?\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t drink anymore, so partying is out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like crowded rooms, hot places or unnecessary noise, so concert venues are out.\u00a0 I realize I need to redefine my fun as a middle-aged parent of teens.\u00a0 With my description above it sounds like I\u2019m down to staid lectures and symphonies, but then there is the added problem of boredom and falling asleep, which is not fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
When I started meeting new friends at the bus stop and through Tot Time at the church, we used to make time to go have coffee or have a girls\u2019 night out.\u00a0 Now most of my friends from my kids\u2019 early years have jobs, which cut into my fun.\u00a0 I\u2019m also not standing at the bus stop anymore, as my kids are going to different schools and usually parents of teens don\u2019t stand at bus stops anyway because that would embarrass their teens (oh, the horror of it).\u00a0 Although horrifying my teens is sometimes fun for me.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I really do want to have fun.\u00a0 Sometimes I have to make myself have fun these days.\u00a0 I was talking to a friend of mine when I was hosting a bunco night at my house a few months ago.\u00a0 She was trying to discreetly get out of attending.\u00a0 I was on to her and did my best to guilt her into coming.\u00a0 After all, I hadn\u2019t had bunco at my house in years and I had just remodeled my family room, plus my kids were taller, my husband older and we had new pets.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
We started talking about the early years of our bunco group (we\u2019ve been a group about 11 years).\u00a0 We were a much more uptight group in the early years when our children were small.\u00a0 We never missed our monthly bunco night.\u00a0 For those of you not familiar with bunco, it\u2019s just a dice rolling \u201cparlor\u201d game; no strategy or concentration required.\u00a0 In those early years it was the only non-kid event in the month many of us had.\u00a0 We were mostly stay-at-home moms and were dying to get out of the house without the kids.\u00a0 Sometimes bunco became secondary to talking and snacking on nonkid friendly food.\u00a0 We\u2019d stay out as late as our husbands could stand; certainly at least until the kids were in bed.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Now the kids are teens or in college and \u201clate\u201d is around 9 p.m.\u00a0 Sometimes we have to drag ourselves out of the house just to get to bunco, because many of us are working out of the house all week.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t yet figured out how to redefine \u201cfun.\u201d\u00a0 For me much of what should be considered fun is a chore, because I have to plan it and pack for it.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to have a headshot for this column, because my appearance in photos the past 15 years has shown me looking severe.\u00a0 That\u2019s because I\u2019m always telling everyone to have fun and my family always snaps the picture before I have time to compose myself.\u00a0 And that is just no fun.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n