Christmas stories are a tradition in many families. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n You hear of folks talk about watching Frank Capra\u2019s \u201cIt\u2019s a Wonderful Life<\/a>\u201d every year.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I used to like Charles Dickens\u2019 \u201cA Christmas Carol<\/a>\u201d until some smartypants around here started referring to me as Scrooge. (I\u2019m as cheery as can be around Christmas \u2014 I don\u2019t know what they\u2019re talking about.)<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n My favorite Christmas stories maybe were a little different. I liked reading the Greek tales of guys going into the underworld <\/span> to my kid. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n One of the best is Orpheus<\/a> and Eurydice<\/a>. I loved the idea that Orpheus was such a neurotic he couldn\u2019t follow the simple rule of not looking back at Eurydice until both are out of the underworld. He peeked and messed everything up.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I bet he got an earful from Eurydice the next time he saw her.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I recently discovered those Greek boys were not just being fancy and symbolic. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I would like to report I have now traveled to the underworld of shopping in a mall during Christmas and I never thought I would make it back.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Sunday, I took my daughter, Katy, shopping. To be more specific I took her shopping for boots.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Hell cannot possibly be this tortuous and I had no idea there were so many malls around. Where did they all come from and why doesn\u2019t anyone ever tell me anything?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n It was Katy\u2019s birthday, which is a week before Christmas, and always has been. Bad timing.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n This year I got a bright idea and told her I\u2019d take her out to buy something.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I thought this was a clever trick because I didn\u2019t buy her a present like I was supposed to according to rules of the stupid parent universe.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n When I offered to take her shopping to buy something I figured she\u2019d just tell me to fork over some money and she would go buy it herself.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I would do the obligatory whining and acting like I really wanted to go, then quickly give her the money while I was still in arm\u2019s reach of the couch.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Nope. She said going together to buy something was a dandy idea.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n How diabolical is that?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Let me tell you, my journey to the underworld makes Orpheus\u2019 puny problems look like cotton candy as far as I\u2019m concerned.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n First we went to buy her some running shoes or something. I wasn\u2019t listening that closely. I just kept nodding thinking, \u201cHow long can this possibly last?\u201d I think that was about noon.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n We went to the first mall and zipped through store after store,<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n I would like to put in a request that stores place couches with big pillows around for dads with daughters. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n How hard can that be? Maybe a little TV,\u00a0 a few complimentary snacks, and a drink would be nice as well.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n All I found were concrete slabs to sit on. The minute I found an angle I could tolerate it was on to the next store.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n If I put my coat on I would sweat. If I took my coat off I shivered. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n