We need to be watching our kids, following Tursic death – Editor’s Note

The last couple of weeks have been tough ones for students and staff at Kent-Meridian High School.

First there was the report, and subsequent arrest, of a suspect in a trail-grabbing incident involving a K-M student who had been on her way to school.

Now there is the pervasive grief of losing one of K-M’s own, senior Dorian Tursic, to a fatal car wreck.

The senselessness of his death, with all the promise that this young man embodied, will stay with students and staff for a long time.

Nobody is supposed to die young.

Nor is a young girl on her way to school supposed to be menaced.

Unfortunately, the grim realities of this life are coming early for many of K-M’s young people.

I feel for you.

I’m a K-M parent, in addition to being a newspaper editor, and it hurts to see so many of our kids having to deal with these adult, and troubling, issues.

Having lived through my own experience of having a friend die traumatically when we were both in high school, I know the capacity that a teen has to go into themselves, to pull back and not talk about their feelings, when things seem beyond their grasp to process.

I did just that, when my friend died. I just kept believing that I’d push those feelings back so far that they’d never bother me again, and I could get on with my life.

Only those feelings didn’t go away, once pushed back. They resurrected themselves when I was an adult and a novice reporter, resulting in flashbacks and anxiety, whenever I’d have to cover a story about a teenager’s death. Those buried feelings led to years of soul-searching, sadness, and ultimately, growth.

I came out on the other side, after many adult years of sifting through the most troubling memory of my teen life.

It wasn’t without cost. I still pay for it, in terms of fearing the people I love could be lost to me, in a New York minute. It’s a sense of ever-present darkness just beyond the happiness, when everything seems to be going right.

We’ve got some teenagers right now who are going through one of the toughest times of their lives. They may look like they’re handling things all right, but as adults we need to take it upon ourselves to make sure they actually are.

K-M Principal Wade Barringer is one adult who’s been watching matters unfold at school.

He is encouraging all of his staff, whether they’re counselors, teachers, security officers or janitors, to be there for the kids.

“You may be that person that any given student goes to, to cry,” Barringer said he’s been telling his staff.

But on the homefront, we need to be vigilant for our teens, too. Granted, they may not always want to sit down and open up to us, but we need to be a presence.

Even if it’s just to be in the same room, making it clear we’ll hear them if they have something to say.

“I think it’s important for parents to show kids that they recognize that things aren’t going well,” Barringer said. “Be there for your kids; talk to them every single day; ask them about things.”

Given the fact that teens these days are growing up so fast – holding jobs, having relationships, managing bank accounts, even stepping in and helping with the family finances – it’s easy to get lulled into thinking they are adults.

They are not.

“They are like adults in a lot of ways,” Barringer said emphatically. “But they are kids, absolutely. We can’t forget that. They’re still teenagers; they’re still in school, and they should still enjoy what high school has to offer.”

So what should we as parents and caregivers be looking for, when it comes to determining just how well our kids are coping with the stress of major trauma?

Changes, according to Barringer. Changes in their behavior and their habits.

“Watch them for behaviors at home,” Barringer said. “Any kind of depression, any different types of behavior, and recognize that.

“As a parent, don’t take for granted that you see your kids everyday and assume they can handle it.”

If you are worried or uncertain, don’t take a chance. Call your child’s school, or get ahold of a mental-health counselor. Make the call.